I Threw it on the Ground, Kirk Style
by SpirkTrekker42
Summary: Pure CRACK! The Trek version of the popular SNL skit. Kirk's not a part of this system! He's an ADULT! Spock does not agree. Songfic!


Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, and nuTrek belongs to J.J. Abrams, Orci, and Kurtzman. 'I threw it on the ground' skit belongs to SNL and is performed by the hilarious Andy Samberg.

Yes, it's MOAR CRACK fic from SpirkTrekker! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about 'Chance Encounter'. It's on my to-do list. But I just needed to do a funny fic, because they funny fics are funny. Heh.

Warning: STOP! Do not read further unless you have seen this video, or else you will be hella confused. (If the link doesn't work, search 'I threw it on the ground' on youtube.)

http:// www. youtube /watch?v=RMLwUItWmYo

Done watching? Great. Here are the original lyrics for your convenience:

_I was walkin' through the city streets  
And a man walks up to me and hands me the latest energy drink  
"Run faster, jump higher"  
Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me_

I threw it on the ground  
You must think I'm a joke  
I ain't gonna be part of your system  
Man! Pump that garbage in another man's face

I go to my favorite hot dog stand  
And the dude says, "You come here all the time! Here's one for free."  
I said, "Man! What I look like? A charity case?"

I took it and threw it on the ground!  
I don't need your handouts!  
I'm an adult!  
Please!  
You can't buy me hot dog, man!

At the farmer's market with my so called girlfriend  
She hands me her cell phone, says it's my dad  
Man, this ain't my dad!  
This is a cell phone!

I threw it on the ground!  
What, you think I'm stupid?  
I'm not a part of your system  
My dad's not a phone!  
DUH!

Some poser hands me cake at a birthday party  
Whatcha want me to do with this? Eat it?

Happy birthday to the ground!  
I threw the rest of the cake, too!  
Welcome to the real word, jack*ss!

So many things to throw on the ground  
Like this, and this, and that, and even this  
I'm an ADULT!

Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph  
GROUND!  
Nobody wants your autograph, phonies!

Then the two phonies got up  
Turned out the had a taser  
And they tased me in the butthole

Fell to the ground  
The phonies didn't let up  
Tasin' on my butthole over and over

I was screamin' and squirmin'  
My butthole was on fire  
The moral of the story is

You can't trust the system

Man!

.~.

Now, without further ado, is my Star Trek version of this song. I switched up some parts a bit, but I tried to match the original as much as I could. Enjoy!

Warning: Not to be taken seriously!

.~.

_I Threw it on the Ground, Kirk Style _

Sung by: James Tiberius Kirk

I was walkin' through San Francisco streets  
and a man walks up to me and hands me a flashy brochure.  
It says "Be somebody - join Starfleet".  
Man, I'm not gonna let you recruit me.

I threw it on the ground!  
You must think I'm a dumbass!  
I ain't gonna be part of this system!  
Man, shove that bullshit in another man's face!

I go to my favorite allergy doctor  
and the guy says, "you come here all the time! Here's a shot for free."  
I said, "Man, what I look like, a charity case?"

I took it, and threw it on the ground!  
I don't need your hypos!  
I'm an ADULT!  
Please, you can't buy me, allergy doc!

At Space Station K-7 with my so-called "girlfriend"  
Uhura hands me her communicator, says it's my brother.  
Man, this ain't my bro. This is a COMMUNICATOR!

I threw it on the ground!  
What, you think I'm stupid?  
I'm not a part of this system!  
My brother's not a com device! Duh!

_This punk gave me some cake at a birthday party.  
Man, my dad blew up on my birthday.  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND! _

I threw the rest of the cake too!  
Welcome to the real world, Cupcake!

So many things to throw on the ground  
Like Klingons, Romulans, Orions, and even tribbles!  
I'm an adult!

Some pointy-eared bastard tryin' to make me take his test.  
I threw that Vulcan on the ground! No one likes your test! Bastard!

Then that Vulcan got up. Turns out he had an agonizer.  
And he agonized me in the butt hole.  
I fell to the ground.  
The Vulcan didn't let up.  
Agonizing my butt hole, over and over.  
I was gasping and pleading  
My butt hole was on fire!

The moral of this story is: you can't trust the system!

Man!

.~.

END

A/N: Hahaha craziness. So how'd I do?

P.S. Agonizers are the Trek version of tasers. They were used in the episode 'Mirror Mirror' by the evil version of Spock (aka Beardy Spock).

P.P.S. Thanks to everyone who reviewed my Kirk & Spock owners guides, as well as my Christmas fic 'Jimmy and his Ninja Prince'. I really do appreciate it.

P.P.P.S. Kirk is a masochist. ROFL.


End file.
